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Beyond Blue - Topic: Alone, confused single mum - am I depressed? Orange2 20 March 2015 Hi I am a 39 year old single mum. I've been separated for 18 months. Yesterday I seem to have fallen off the railings, I can’t stop crying, I feel stressed and worthless. I have 2 children aged 14 and 12 - their father pays child support but has minimal contact. I feel so overwhelmed by this responsibility - I am on the outside a cheery person to all. I have been able to mask my pain..... Is there anyone who is sharing the same experience?????? Please white knight 20 March 2015 in reply to Orange2 Hi Orange2 welcome, I hope someone chips in here in terms of your situation. I was in your children's fathers situation years ago. Except I was close to both daughters and one came to live with me at 12yo and the younger one went the way of her mum and made my relationship with that daughter - distant. I think for that reason your ex husband might hold a key to some of the sadness you are experiencing and its a guess...I'm no professional. Can you contact him and offer to share a cuppa at a cafe? Then ask him why he is distant to his children. Tell him that you don’t intend to demonise him in front of the children and he has every opportunity to get close to them? We all experience changes in our lives. You have only been separated 18 months and life is different. This means change and it sometimes leaves you bewildered and lost. We are here for you whenever you desire to talk. Tony WK Chris B, 20 March 2015 Hi Orange2, Welcome to the forums, You are definitely not alone in feeling like this. Have a look through the threads below from other single mums, and feel free to contribute to them: New to the site but also a single mum dealing with depression/anxiety Feeling really depressed, anxious and like I’m a bad mum! 20 March 2015 in reply to white knight Thank you Tony. Your response made me weep. You are right, I feel tremendous sadness because my children don't have a relationship with their father. I have tried to organize meetings but he upsets his children by his actions. I worry about the future. What if I am unable to provide for my children when child support runs out? 6257 posts 20 March 2015 in reply to Orange2 Hi Orange2 Thats ok, thanks. The child support system works like this. It will cease when your youngest child reaches 18yo UNLESS he/she is still at school in which case you need to make an application for it to continue until her/his school days finish that year. EG if your youngest's 18th birthday arrives in September but she finishes year 12 mid December child support will continue till then. After that he/she is an adult and can seek Newstart etc for themselves. As I understand it you would be receiving 27% for two children of his income (with an initial amount not applied). When your eldest reaches 18 this amount drops down to 18%. Not really a huge drop. What I am saying is that this at least gives you time to plan things. If your children remain at home after 18yo then they can contribute towards the running of the home with their own income. Bare in mind the following however. I've been on the other end of all of this child support senario. Effectively I've been on your husbands end. A positive is that he is paying his obliged child support. Many dont. I even pain $14,000 on top of that for the realignment of my youngests jaw and teeth issues. This was during a time when I had to make a life of my own, rebuild my life and reduce my full time parenthood to part time- devastating it was. I used to ring up my kids principle, worried about them. She eventually told me- "Tony, what you need to realise is that children are resilient, they accept these things well". She was right. So by worrying it wont produce anything positive for you and your children will eventually work out if they havent already, where they stand with their father. Let him make his mistakes, thats his fault and responsibility not yours. Just think about your own responsibilities, guide your children as you have been. And think of your own employment future. Be positive and be proud for being a single mum isnt easy. And remember- you are not responsible for others errors, their actions and their decisions. Your children just want their mum, not a parent concerned with others issues and decisions out of your control....and theirs. Take care. Respond if you like Tony WK Peutetre8 4 posts 14 May 2015 in reply to Orange2 Orange 2 , you are a wonderful person and the community have to help with the raising of your children, a person from your local council has to tell your partner to do his fair share of caring for both of your children, then you should be given by your local community a lovely relaxing holiday by the beach or the mountains , whatever is your preference |
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